How can we learn to love and forgive in painful situations?
The key word here is to learn. Everyday we are to become more like Christ, but only God can transform all the pain, and give us true healing. Are you ready to choose love, and deal with unforgiveness?
I pray this blog post helps you walk through your emotions and thougths, and finally destroy resentment. With the Lord’s help, we can do all things. Philippians 4:13
Resentment is the Usual Obstacle in Forgiveness

Let me tell you one thing. If you are even meditating on forgiveness, then you have already realized that there are many good reasons to forgive, and maybe you have realized you need God’s help too. That is a good place to start!
Start with Christ, He will Help you Love and Forgive!
Christ in the center because He is the Way. He is the strength when we are weak. He will gently remind us that we aren’t alone. Jesus can help us see that unforgiveness is wrong.
The struggle to forgive our debtors is a result of sin. The same sin that caused our brother to sin toward us, is also within our hearts, and it’s dangerous if we let it take over. Genesis 4:7
When we are hurt, it’s hard to reason, but the Lord is always here to help. Jesus can help us conquer the pain and have victory through love and forgiveness.
Ugly Resentment at Work Against Forgiveness
You may say this in your heart, ___” Someone has sinned against me intentionally, they have let me down; there was injustice, and I want justice!”
___ And that is where ugly resentment shows up.
Romans 12:19
Isn’t that verse refreshing?
Good thing God is the judge and not us. We can get angry, but must not sin. Ephesians 4:26
When anger cooks in our heart, bitterness finds it’s way in and we sin. Unforgiveness leads to resentment; a poison that can stain every cell of our being.
How can we get it out?

Forgiveness is about Love, Not Justice
The Lord says to forgive, and He will also forgive us. Matthew 6:14-15
We aren’t loving when we don’t forgive.
Anger is a real emotion and we have the ability to get angry, but after that we are responsible for lovingly forgiving.
God calls us to forgive because we too have been forgiven. Forgiveness is not about excusing the wrong done, but about leaving it in God’s hands.
Peace is the goal. Having a heart after God’s perfect will brings joy and comfort. Following in God’s foot steps is where we can find true healing.
Psalm 51:10-12
Other Posts to Read on the Blog
- “Girl Power” Culture is not for the Christian Woman
- Why God doesn’t forget the poor!
- To the Exhausted Wife: (Psalm 127) God is the Perfect Homemaker
- Quick Tips When It’s Hard to Read the Bible: Best Practice vs Red flags!
- Problems only Christian artists will understand!
Love is Suffering (Patient)
When you read the Bible in Spanish (another language) or you read it in another translation, there is something so helpful; take this passage we all know.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
“Love is patient, love is kind… “
Yeah, it’s the one they read at all the wedding ceremonies. But our modern English translation has missed a very good point. Read the verses below, they are found in the King James Version, and see what a difference it makes. In Spanish it says love is suffering (el amor es sufrido).
4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
It hurts (suffering) when we love! We can’t expect it to be easy.
The reason it hurts so much, when someone wrongs us is because love has been broken in some shape or form. Going against God’s perfect will is painful.
In the middle of the pain and suffering we must cry out to the Lord and say, ” Lord, help me to love my neighbor, my friend, my spouse, etc. because I can’t do it alone.”
In this modern day we tend to think that love is about us, about joy and anything outside of it is wrong. But the truth is that love is hard work, especially when we make mistakes and harm one another.
The point is that it hurts to love! We must be selfless and serve the other person before ourselves. Forgiveness is loving even when someone doesn’t deserve it.

Perceived Harm or Mistreatment Can Still Trigger Resentment
This is a good spot to talk about perceived injustice. I looked up many definitions of resentment and forgiveness and found this notion.
Resentment involves bitterness, anger, displeasure, and pity.
When we get angry and let it settle, instead of forgiving and moving on, resentment shows up. And this feeling of bitterness and anger can happen whether someone hurt us literally or not. Let me explain.
When someone does something to us and we can name it and point to it, then it has a physical and literal attribute. Then there are times where we can’t point to something physically, but it still hurts.
It’s important to examine that and ask the Lord if it’s a perceived mistreatment.
- Am I imagining something?
- Why do I respond to it in offense?
- Why does it hurt?
- Do we have a false hope or expectaion from that person?
- Is this coming from a past trauma of mine?
It totally valid to respond with hurt (offense) to things we hear or see someone do, it happens to everyone.
Just because it’s in our mind, that doesn’t mean it’s not real. We still need to adress it.
Unintentional Sin Against my Brother
There are times where we have sinned against our neighbor and haven’t realized it or it was unintentional. “I acted without thinking, it was inpulsive, it was not meditated.”
There is also the problem of doing nothing. That person simply did nothing, and that is the problem itself.
James 4:17
- “Why didn’t he not defend me?”
- “Why didn’t she call?”
- “Why didn’t he care for me in my darkest moment?”
You see, God calls us to love our neighbor, but often we are so wrapped up in our own difficulties or just our own life, that we miss opportunities to serve.
Often we simply just don’t act. We choose to do nothing. We are silent. We are indifferent. Maybe, we simply don’t know what to do or say.
We have all done this at some point, and it has caused harm to our loved ones.
It was (unknown), but it was still very real.
The person that caused the harm (that sinned), might not even acknowledge their wrong or they really might not even realize they did wrong. James 4:17
When this happens we must meditate and ask the Lord to help us forgive our brother even more. We must ask the Lord to help us not be indifferent, so that we can be serve.
“Lord, help us to stop and serve our neighbor when we see a need.”

Meditate on your own Speck in Order to Forgive
Matthew 7:3-5
When we reflect on our own sin, then it’s easier to see we have no right to make our own justice. Only God knows all things and he too forgives the worst of sins.
- Have you ever hurt someone?
- Do you regret it?
- Have you asked for forgiveness?
- Did you want peace and forgiveness from that person?
It hurts to be on the other side too, especially when repentence takes place in the person who wronged. The desire is so strong to receive forgiveness from the other party. No one should live with guilt, if God provided a way out.
Forgiveness helps both sides.
Are you Waiting for an Apology?
Sometimes an apology won’t come and we must be willing to still move on. Sadly, this is not kindergarten, and we won’t get a forced apology.
I pray the Lord gives you the peace to forgive without hearing an “I’m sorry”.
An apology can only come from a person who has acknowledged and regreted (repented from) their action, and that takes a conviction from their conscience or the Holy Spirit.
But you don’t have to live with the pain of unforgiveness in your heart. You don’t have to live like that for years and years until they repent, that is pure agony.
What if they never repent?
God made a path my friend, follow it and find healing in Him. God is our only help in painful situations.
James 4:17
Psalm 19:12
When you are Ready to Love and Forgive
Ask the lord to help you, “Lord, renew my mind and my heart toward the person that hurt me.”
- It hurts too much to carry the load around.
- I truly love this person.
- I want to honor and obey the Lord.
- I wish for reconcilitation/closure.
In a perfect world we would have all of these sentiments, but even without them choose to draw near to Christ. Ask him to give you these things.
Ask him to restore love as He sees it. You might be opposed to love your debtor, but remember you can love them through Christ, and that doesn’t mean anything more than a heart change.
“Lord, please help my friend to forgive. Help them to love their neighbor like you forgive us.”
Amen!
Further Study on Anger, Resentment and Forgiveness
Everyone says read the story of Job, but I will recommend the story of Jacob and Esau.
Their life was full of painful situations and you can see instances of anger, resentment, betrayal and forgiveness.
It begins in chapter 25 of Genesis. I reccomend reading the whole sections and reading up until chapter 36.
Read it, soak into it. Ask questions. Pray to the Lord to help you see their situation from both sides.
The Bible has so much to offer us, it’s alive and Jesus is the Word, so don’t loose heart.
Genesis 25
With love,

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